Am I mad?

I know I talked about economising my study time, in a previous post.  But I just can't seem to do it.

I mean, I have spent the last week of over 24hrs total study time, working on just 10 points worth of TMA questions for MST121, that don't gain me a grade that is any higher than the rather vanilla 'pass' that they hand out for all of your efforts on this course.

It's not that I am struggling with the content, although the calculus is a little more complex than I expected.  No, it is that I just can't seem to 'let it go'.  Writing this TMA, has been like nurturing a small child.  I am terrified to let it go, before I have made sure that I have done everything within my power, to make it turn out well.

It just doesn't make any sense whatever.

I have worked out, that I could score just 59% on this assignment, and still gain an overall course score of 85%.

So why, oh why, do I have this drive, no, compulsion, to dissect every last mark and use all of my time, books and brain power, to milk it of its precious marks?

I think I might know the answer, above and beyond a simple neurotic tendency towards perfectionism.  It is more to do with me wanting to prove to myself, that I am intellectually capable, of mastering mathematics.  Not just some of it, but all of it.  Every last polynomial.

I have this strange notion, lurking in my limbic system, that if I can't ace the TMA's on a level 1 mathematics course (give or take the odd arithmetic mistake or lapse of concentration); then I am unlikely to be capable of completing a PhD that is mainly mathematics based.

I have tried to finalise my TMA, be sensible, and spend my time preparing for M208 in January.  But I just can't seem to let TMA04 go, without licking my finger to wipe its cheek, before tucking its shirt in and sending it to the OU.